Personal Development

Episode 21: 5 Things Therapists Wish You Knew

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Welcome to the Pursue You Podcast, where we are empowering you to continually reflect, design and pursue who you were created to be so you can give the gift of your best self to your family, community, and business!

I just got done recording this episode with Maryellen Dance, a licensed mental health counselor that I met years ago. We just recently reconnected in a local mastermind group and I just knew she was someone I wanted to bring on and share with you all. You’ve all heard me talk about therapy and what an important role it plays in my life, my development, my growth, my relationships and its funny because with me being so open about it, I really have seen how many preconceived notions we carry around about what it means to go to therapy, what qualifies us to have to go to therapy, etc, etc, -- so get excited, because this episode is jam packed full of good tidbits about what therapists wish you knew about therapy and how it might change your perception of who therapy is for, and how to go about getting started.

[1:20] Maryellen introduces herself and shares her story about where she was before she was a therapist, how she discovered she wanted to be a licensed mental health counselor and her journey in her career to where she is now.

[5:55] 1. Maryellen and I talk about the fact that therapy is for everyone. This might be the biggest misconception about therapy, that the only people who need therapy are people with serious mental health disorders and people who are currently in a state of crisis. However, Maryellen and I talk about how just how we maintain our wellness when we aren’t sick or our fitness when we aren’t overweight, it’s good for us to maintain our health, through therapy, even when we aren’t in a state of crisis.

[10:00] 2. We discuss the stigma that therapy is given due to Hollywood’s portrayal of it. Therapists want you to know that it’s not a cold process with an old man sitting behind you while you lay on a chaise lounge and just list all of your problems. For Maryellen and many other therapists, they start off with their clients by introducing themselves and helping them to feel comfortable and connected with their therapist.

[15:30] 3. Therapists want you to know that it really is up to you how often you attend therapy and that it can be variable depending on seasons of life. Sometimes during crisis, you may attend therapy weekly, and during times of maintenance, you may only choose to go once a month or even less frequently.

[17:30] 4. Maryellen stresses the importance of finding the right counselor for you. She also encourages us to keep looking for the right therapist even if the first or second one isn’t right for you. It’s worth it to find the person that you feel comfortable with. We also take a look at what you should look for in a therapist’s qualifications and where you can go to begin finding a therapist.

[21:00] I take us on a sidetrack to discuss virtual therapy, what it is, and why it might be helpful for certain people.

[23:30] 5. Therapists are real people. They aren’t perfect and they don’t want you to think they are. While it isn’t appropriate for them to disclose themselves to you, they do want you to understand their personalities and who they are enough that you are comfortable with them and that you understand they are people with problems, just like you.

[26:00] 6. We have a bonus point that is the fact that your therapist isn’t judging you. They have a desire to help you and they have seen all sorts of different situations. They are not sitting there judging you, and they want you to feel free to ask them for help, no matter what.

I hope you enjoyed this episode with Maryellen Dance, and I hope that we’ve been able to help you see therapy in a new light and given you some things to think about as you consider pursuing therapy in whatever capacity might be right for you right now. Be sure to connect with Maryellen on her social media channels or reach out to her via email if you have any questions.

Connect with Maryellen Dance

Email: maryellendance@gmail.com

Instagram: @maryellendance

Subscribe to the Podcast

I am grateful you were here for today’s episode! To make sure you don’t miss out on future episodes, I encourage you to subscribe to the podcast. Click here to subscribe on iTunes.

In order to help others find this podcast and help inspire them, I would love for you to leave a review of the podcast. Share something that motivated you, or something that helped you reframe the way you approach your life and goals. I’d love to hear how you’re pursuing your best self. Click here to review the show on iTunes. You can go to “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review”. Your comments are greatly appreciated!

More Episodes You’d Be Interested In

Episode 19: Facing Rejection Therapy

Episode 17: The Power of Margin

Episode 8: Pursue You Picks: Do Less

Episode 4: The Antidote to FOMO

Episode 14: My Top 5 Personal Development Reads in 2019

Top 5 Personal Development Books for Female Entrepreneurs in 2019

Welcome to the Pursue You Podcast, where we are empowering you to continually reflect, design and pursue who you were created to be so you can give the gift of your best self to your family, community, and business!

I’m going to start today’s episode with a question? What was your favorite book that you read in 2019? What if I asked what was your favorite book of all time? What would your answer be? The reason I want to ask you this is because a few years ago I would have had to think back to college when I was forced to read books, and I would only read the cliff notes version, and after an assignment I’d forget it all. Once I got into business, I read books here and there, but I want to share today how I used to think about reading, because I don’t want you to feel intimidated by a personal reading list and just skip over this episode. I want you to know that reading wasn’t always a natural thing I loved to do. I was too busy. You’re probably feeling the exact same way. As I’m recording this year in 2019, however, I have read more books this year than I have ever read in one year. Reading impacted me in such a positive way this year that I want to inspire you and share with you some books that you may want to check out in 2020.

[4:00] I share how I developed a passion for reading. It all started with listening to podcasts. As I started to enter leadership positions in my real estate team, I started consuming more podcast content, and I discovered book recommendations from my favorite shows and their guest interviews.

[8:30] I share how I was inspired by Chris Suarez to read books on the things I claim to value most. This year was a focus on personal development, so my books are all tailored to that. Don’t worry, I’ll do a separate post on my favorite business development books in the future!

[10:50] Book 1: Thrive: The Third Metric to Redefining Success and Creating a Life of Well-Being, Wisdom, and Wonder by Ariana Huffington: Ariana focuses on the third metric of our lives that we need to focus on aside from just pursuing money and power as we seek to create a life of success. She teaches us how to focus on our well-being, wisdom, wonder, and giving, and how all of these together are going to help us become the people we want others to remember when we’re gone.

[15:30] Book 2: Keep Your Love On: Connection, Communication, and Boundaries by Danny Silk: Danny focuses on relationships in his book and especially on teaching us how to recognize whether these relationships allow us to feel confident or are causing us to feel vulnerable. He focuses on three points: connection, communication, and boundaries.

[20:30] Book 3: Today Matters: 12 Daily Practices to Guarantee Tomorrows Success by John Maxwell: If you are looking for a book that is going to spark a fire in you, this is the book to add to your 2020 reading list. John points out that we tend to do three things: over-exaggerate yesterday, overestimate tomorrow, and underestimate today. He then follows with 12 daily practices to make today matter.

[24:30] Book 4: Girl, Stop Apologizing: A Shame-free Plan for Embracing and Achieving Your Goals by Rachel Hollis: Rachel is very inspiring in this book, and it’s a great choice from this list to listen to on Audible. Her book helped me see excuses I needed to let go of, habits I needed to develop, and skills I needed to acquire.

[31:45] Book 5: Marriage Meetings for Lasting Love: 30 Minutes a Week to the Relationship You’ve Always Wanted by Marcia Naomi Berger: I love this book and it’s practical teaching on how to establish marriage meetings with your spouse. Whether you do it weekly or seasonally, I encourage you to take a look at how to set up a meeting with your spouse and have intentional conversations that include appreciate, chores, planning good times, and discussing problems and challenges.

[36:00] I share a few of the other books I read this last year that you might want to check out for your 2020 reading list. I also share about my goal to really make reading the Bible a priority for myself in 2020.

[38:00] I share practical tips on how reading changed my nighttime routine. Instead of screen time before bed, this was a perfect opportunity to read. I’ll take 5 or 10 minutes checking in on social media, and then I’m done, and I allow myself to read before bed to get my mind and soul prepared for sleep.

I recently read a quote from Warren Buffet, “This is how knowledge works, it builds up like compound interest, all of you can do it, but I guarantee not many of you will do it.”. I have been the busy one. If you had asked me a few years ago what I read, I wouldn’t have been able to answer you. It wasn’t a priority. It can be hard to get started, but maybe one of these books will put you on a path to success this year. It’s easy to make excuses, but I hope that you can find something in your world that ignites your passion for reading. You can take your self and your relationships to the next level through personal development by consuming more of these books. My 2019 is living proof for me, and I hope I can be a spark to get you started or to the next level because investing time into yourself is the best investment you’ll every make.

My 2019 Reading List:

My 2020 Personal List:

Subscribe to the Podcast

I am grateful you were here for today’s episode! To make sure you don’t miss out on future episodes, I encourage you to subscribe to the podcast. Click here to subscribe on iTunes.

In order to help others find this podcast and help inspire them, I would love for you to leave a review of the podcast. Share something that motivated you, or something that helped you re-frame the way you approach your life and goals. I’d love to hear how you’re pursuing your best self. Click here to review the show on iTunes. You can go to “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review”. Your comments are greatly appreciated!

More Episodes You’d Be Interested In

Episode 5: Pursue You Picks: The ONE Thing

Pursue You Podcast Episode 5: Pursue You Picks: The One Thing book by Gary Keller and Jay Papasan

Welcome to the Pursue You Podcast, where we are empowering you to continually reflect, design and pursue who you were created to be so you can give the gift of your best self to your family, community, and business!

Up until a few years ago, I wasn’t what you’d call a big reader. I’d gotten through a few books here and there, but as a realtor, entrepreneur, wife, and mother, my day to day schedule was crazy! Books or professional and personal development took a back burner. It wasn’t until my life and business hit a wall that I realized I needed to step it up a bit. My original business passion is real estate and Gary Keller is the author of a book I was introduced to as a result of my career with Keller Williams, and though I had read it before, I decided I needed to read it again after I had this mindset change, and it ignited a fire in me! I saw how consuming this content actually converted into me being more productive and feeling more confident in myself. It allowed me to live proactively rather than re-actively!

Because of the impact this book made on me, The One Thing by Gary Keller and Jay Papasan is my first Pursue You Pick! This pick is a book or podcast that I love and think you would benefit from. I’m going to share my big takeaways, and how it’s impacted me, and I hope it will encourage you to check it out for yourself to dig deeper.

[2:15] I introduce the book, The One Thing, and talk about the tagline, “the surprisingly simple truth behind extraordinary results”. The simple truth is that there is one thing you can do, that if you do it, will make everything else easier or unnecessary.

[4:00] I highlight the three sections of the book: the lies, the truth, and extraordinary results.

[4:25] I dig into the first section, the lies and share the three that impacted me the most. The biggest one is that we believe that everything matters equally. This pointed out to me that just because I think of things in a certain order, doesn’t mean that is how I should prioritize them.

[6:45] I talk about how I practically narrowed down my tasks to things I need to do, things I need to dump and things I need to delegate. The resulting list was my success list, the things I would do that would help me move the needle toward success.

[11:45] I talk about how I found a small habit that I could change that transformed how many hours I had in my day and gave me back my time and energy.

[13:35] I talk about the lie of having a balanced life, and how it really is about finding counter balance. We need to figure out what matters most and make sure that part is getting all the time it needs to have.

[17:30] I move from the section on lies to the section on the truth, and the details on what can actually push us towards success.  

[19:00] I share the book’s idea on how to find successful productivity: Ask yourself this question, “What is the one thing that you could do that if you do it, it would make everything else easier or unnecessary?”.

[21:40] I sum up the book by highlighting part three and the extraordinary results. The book details how we need to have purpose in our lives. It aligns so well with this podcast, and there is a quote I love that says, “Happiness happens on the way to fulfillment.” When we’re working towards our purpose, we find happiness in the productivity we have as we pursue the goals we’ve set.

The ideas of this book aren’t earth shattering, they are mostly simple, and it finishes with some tactical advice on time blocking and recognizing when you need systems to break through dead ends and avoid burnout. Despite its simplicity, however, this book helped me move from merely entrepreneurial to purposeful. After spending the last few years reflecting and working on my productivity, I realized it wasn’t the grind that brought me success, and it wasn’t necessary. The problem with the grind for me was that I lacked the awareness of the damage it was causing in the other areas of my life. The takeaways from this book had a big impact on helping me recognize this and reorient my business and life to allow me to pursue my priorities in the best way.

I hope you’ll grab the book, check out the podcast and dig deeper into materials that will present you with small tweaks that will allow you to pursue you and have a greater impact on those around you.

Links

The One Thing Book

The One Thing Podcast

Subscribe to the Podcast

I am grateful you were here for today’s episode! To make sure you don’t miss out on future episodes, I encourage you to subscribe to the podcast. Click here to subscribe on iTunes.

In order to help others find this podcast and help inspire them, I would love for you to leave a review of the podcast. Share something that motivated you, or something that helped you re-frame the way you approach your life and goals. I’d love to hear how you’re pursuing your best self. Click here to review the show on iTunes. You can go to “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review”. Your comments are greatly appreciated!

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Episode 4: The Antidote to FOMO

Episode 3: 3 Reasons You’re Not Making Your First Hire

Episode 2: Why Self Care is NOT the Answer…and What Is!